


Sweet Pain of Mine

by Kenoa



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Deviant Upgraded Connor | RK900, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Siblings, Getting Together, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Hurt Gavin Reed, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Reed900wintergiftexchange19, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 10:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenoa/pseuds/Kenoa
Summary: Minutes dragged until he was able to regain control of his motor functions. His eyes finally fluttered open, and he shot up in the excruciating chair. Dread and terror mixed in his core, and he scanned the area that surrounded him. Despite the early morning rose and salmon hues filling the air with their gleam nothing had changed, and red still reflected on the walls of the dormant room. Nines found the hand of the figure that lay motionless on the bed, fingers interlacing with one another. He squeezed it but was met with a weakened, lifeless limb.“I’m so sorry, Gavin,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”He let go of the frail hand. Pulling his legs up, he looped his arms around the knees. He sobbed with ragged breaths, hands clutching the fabric of his jeans. It soaked all of his clothing.A botched mission left Gavin injured, yet who feels the real pain is Nines. He is unable to deal with the loss of the man he loves.
Relationships: Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed, Hank Anderson & Connor, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Upgraded Connor | RK900 & Elijah Kamski, Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 8
Kudos: 164
Collections: Reed900WinterGiftExchange19





	Sweet Pain of Mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Scho_s](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scho_s/gifts).



> **Please, heed the tags! Major injury and suicide attempt; described somewhat graphically. Be safe, sweeties.**
> 
> This was written as a part of the [Reed900WinterGiftExhange19](https://reed900celebration.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr.  
>  It's a gift for the wonderful [Unamoosedwerewolf](https://unamoosedwerewolf.tumblr.com/), that gave me the following prompt:  
>  _"I would really like so good Gavin angst! The angstiest of angst! Hurt the rat man real bad. You are free to choose setting, plot, etc. Though there has to be a good ending."_.  
>  This is a complete 180º from my usual style; it has a lot of angst and hurt and pain and sadness, and I have to confess it was pretty hard for me to create it! Besides not being what I'm used to write, it was so so sad :(  
>  I hope you enjoy it!  
>    
>  Without further ado, let's jump into the story!  
> 

Nines uncrossed his left leg and crossed his right one again. The chill of the room froze his circuits, and the metal chair dug his back. It stiffened his joints and strained his neck. His exoskeleton creaked uncomfortably. He was not supposed to feel; he was a machine. A lifeless object, like the room he sat in, incapable of pain. Then, why did it hurt?

Even idling, the android’s tasks consumed a worrisome 98% of his available processing power. Nines knew when he’d been defeated; he was unable to keep forcing his eyes to remain open. Allowing himself to glance around the blackened room, he skimmed through the blue holographic charts that were accompanied by a faint beeping. He hunched in on himself and fell into stasis.

> _Nines’ heart pumped thirium throughout his systems, flooding circuits with the needed adrenaline to fuel his body. He sprinted up ahead of his partner, trailing behind the assailer that escaped them. Unfaltering steps echoed on the soaked streets of Detroit, and the android could hear the rush in his ears._
> 
> _“You’ve got no way out of this, Jameson, surrender!” The raised voice cut through the night, mingled with the gasps of air the detective drew in._
> 
> _Jameson glanced at the two figures hot on his tracks from above his shoulder. His eyes were widened, watery with the stinging of the chilly winter wind. He looked back ahead of him, exerting his legs to pace faster, his breaths becoming more ragged and harsh._
> 
> _“We’re nearing a blind alley, let me handle it!” Nines’ head spun, and his exoskeleton screamed for more, craving the sweet surge of a successful mission._
> 
> _“He’s unarmed, Nines!”_
> 
> _The RK’s HUD flashed with crimson warnings for his flawed logic; Jameson was, in fact, unarmed. Two rounds discharged at the bar and barely managing to scrap Nines’ arm, the man had discarded his empty weapon. Nines dismissed the popups; despite the push of the glitching in his core, there was no rationale for him to want to stay ahead of Gavin; the suspect bared no gun and was reaching a dead-end._
> 
> _“Let’s close him in; I’ll take the wider turn!”_
> 
> _“Ok!” Heart pounding in his core, Gavin went along with the suggested plan, darting towards the wall._
> 
> _Turning around the corner, the moment played out in slow motion. Jameson halted, chest heaving and hands raised in front of his torso. Another man stood mere feet away from Jameson, yellowed smirk peeking between ashen lips. That man — Jameson’s associate, Nines’ facial recognition provided — extended an arm up ahead, clutching a trembling Glock 22. The shot shattered the silence of the evening, and a body fell with a sharp thud on the tarred road. Jameson’s body was next, collapsing in front of the android with a muffled bullet to the heart._
> 
> _The seconds that followed disappeared in a blur. The android launched full-bodily onto the man’s figure, plummeting both to the drenched asphalt. His screams tainted the soulless back street, losing any similarity to a human voice and resembling more a feral monster. Nines’ brute force ripped the stranger’s arm from his body, blood gushing out in thick spurts. The RK had to manually kill the hunter process that overcame him, struggling to not further maul the criminal’s lifeless form._
> 
> _Nines’ eyes finally met Gavin’s slumped body. He was motionless and angry red oozed out of the right side of his head. The android fell onto his knees, reaching for his partner. His visual scanners detected the bullet sheathed deep inside a nearby metal pipe. He clung to Gavin in his arms, frantically trying to cover both entrance and exit wounds._
> 
> _Static filled his voice, and heavy tears overflowed his cheeks. His whole body shivered, racking Gavin’s with his, and Nines’ heart didn’t fit in its slot. The shrill of the sirens reached his auditory systems; they should not be far away. It was impossible for his overworked tasks to estimate their location. Nines had placed the call as soon as the blast of the gun reverberated throughout the alley and rang in his ears. Gavin still breathed, he knew the human’s chances to maintain or restore his capabilities were higher._
> 
> _The android desperately re-constructed the speed and angle of the bullet. He knew a high-velocity bullet would cause more peripheral damage to the regions of the brain around their path as they passed through. The re-constructions bared no information. Or, perhaps, Nines was merely unable to process them._
> 
> _As the ambulance skid to a stop, the paramedics had to pry Gavin’s lifeless form from his embrace. Nines became motionless, mute, **nonexistent**. He stared emptily at his hands, the red crusting down on his palms and knuckles, and caking the fabric of his clothes. Connor was the one finally able to heave him away._

Nines’ conscience lugged him back to reality and his chest wheezed with the need to draw air inside. He felt synthskin glitching in patches, body burning as if it’d been plunged in a bath of flames. The RK could not move. Still hunched, he fought to open his eyes; behind closed lids, he could merely make up the broad shadowed outline near his face. His heart short-circuited, panic overwhelming the pumping of thirium, and he wanted to claw it out of his chest. Nines ordered his brain to respond, to force his limbs to act, but the artificial neurons merely buzzed as if the connections between every single component had been severed.

He was paralyzed.

Minutes dragged until he was able to regain control of his motor functions. His eyes finally fluttered open, and he shot up in the excruciating chair. Dread and terror mixed in his core, and he scanned the area that surrounded him. Despite the early morning rose and salmon hues filling the air with their gleam nothing had changed, and red still reflected on the walls of the dormant room. Nines found the hand of the figure that lay motionless on the bed, fingers interlacing with one another. He squeezed it but was met with a weakened, lifeless limb.

“I’m so sorry, Gavin,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

He let go of the frail hand. Pulling his legs up, he looped his arms around the knees. He sobbed with ragged breaths, hands clutching the fabric of his jeans. It soaked all of his clothing.

* * *

“You don’t fucking get it, Connor!” Nines tugged at the stray mesh of hair that fell on his forehead. He yanked so brutally the nanites shattered before recreating the strand oh hair.

“Nines, you need to rest. You haven’t entered stasis for the past three weeks.” Connor stepped calmly towards the other RK as if approaching a feral animal.

“I was supposed to protect him! It was my sole mission…” He stared at his hands, the red of the moment he failed smeared on them barely a millisecond.

Connor’s hand settled on his brother’s shoulder. “You’re clearly not in your best state of mind-”

Whirling around, the younger android smacked the hand away from his body. “I’m not out of my mind; I’m in love!” He snarled.

Arms crossed and leaned against one of the cold, white walls, an older man pushed away from it. He draped an arm around Connor.

“C’mon kiddo, let’s go.” It was the first time he spoke.

“But Hank-” Connor furrowed his brows, silently pleading to the lieutenant.

“Leave your brother be for now.”

The RK800 let himself be guided towards the room’s door. Connor threw one last glance at his brother. His eyes were narrowed, filled with hurt.

Nines fell heavily onto the metallic chair. In the month he’d spent in that room, the furniture hadn’t become any more comfortable. He turned to stare at Gavin’s head, unfocused gaze wandering beyond the bandages. How could Connor ask him that? He couldn’t enter stasis ever again. Not when his simulation software only re-constructed over and over the moment Gavin plunged into death. He clutched the bracelet on his left wrist until his circuits numbed.

No, he’d never sleep again.

* * *

Nines’ HUD was cluttered. Warnings and errors demanded on popping up every few minutes — he didn’t really track time anymore — littering his vision. The android carried on his routine of physical therapy for Gavin, working whatever limbs he could to prevent the man’s imminent muscle atrophy. Every single member of the medical staff had given up on his partner; for them, Gavin would never wake up again, even with the coma being induced. In fact, the only reason for the human’s lingering existence was Kamski. He’d transferred his brother to his own home, connected him to the machines. Doctors said they were merely delaying the inevitable; he was a dead man sleeping.

The android was not surprised by the detective and the engineer’s connection. He had always known. His only mission as a newly awakened android was _‘Protect Detective Gavin Reed’_.

> _“Hello, RK900.”_
> 
> _The android lay on a metal table, covered only by Cyberlife-issued underwear. He opened his eyes gradually, observing the cluttered lab. He shifted his head towards the voice that had roused him from his inactive state._
> 
> _**KAMSKI, ELIJAH** (née Reed, Elijah)  
>  Born: 2002/07/17_   
>  _Cyberlife Founder - Resigned 2028_  
>  _Inventor of Thirium and bio-components technology_
> 
> _“Good afternoon, Mr. Kamski.”_
> 
> _“Just Elijah is fine.” Kamski offered the android a hand, helping him to sit up. “Do you know why you’re here?”_
> 
> _His LED swirled sluggishly as he scoured his databanks. “I am the finalized android from the RK900 line, based on the RK800 prototype.” His facial muscles twitched in a resembling frown. “I am the last from my line; the android race has attained freedom.”_
> 
> _His processes swept through terabytes of news, articles and videos alike. He could not grasp the concept of deviancy, yet it intrigued him._
> 
> _“That’s correct.” The engineer handed him nondescript jeans and a black turtleneck. “And as such, I am here to offer you a choice. You are already free, but you can choose between remaining a machine or becoming human.”_
> 
> _The android slipped the sweater through his neck and stared at his creator with cold, unfeeling eyes._
> 
> _“What’s it going to be, RK900?”_
> 
> _“I want,” a concept foreign on his tongue, “to become human.”_
> 
> _Kamski clapped his hands. “Great!” He turned to his computer, mashing the keys in swift disarray. “It comes with a price,” he said without turning to the android._
> 
> _“Shall you choose to follow the endeavours of your predecessor, you’ll promise me to protect Detective Gavin Reed.”_
> 
> _The RK yielded his palm, projecting a hologram._
> 
> _**REED, GAVIN**  
>  Born: 2002/10/07_  
>  _Detective at Detroit Police Department  
>  Elijah’s identical twin; most likely born after due to ‘twin to twin’ syndrome_
> 
> _Kamski turned his head, staring expectantly at him._
> 
> _He nodded. “Very well, Elijah.”_
> 
> * * *
> 
> _The way the RK had found himself wandering into the DPD could be described as curiosity. One of the joys of deviancy. He was unaware of what awaited him on his unfamiliar journey._
> 
> _“I’ve heard you’re the newly-deviated tin can.” A hand extended towards him. It triggered his thirium pump. “Detective Gavin Reed.”_
> 
> _He took it. “Nines, RK900. I’ll be your new partner.”_

He’d promised Kamski to not give up on Gavin. He’d also promised himself, following crashing in love.

And so, day after day, week after week, Nines kept his ministrations, moving every muscle within reach of the immobile body in front of him, countering any possible muscle mass decrease. His own limbs twitched from time to time, and he’d given up the illusion of his synthetic skin. It wasted too much processing power; he merely allowed the illusion to remain covering his head.

* * *

The android stared at the greyish skin of his partner. He looked handsome as always; Nines had trimmed his beard and washed his hair. By now it had re-grown uniformly where it’d been shaved for the skull removal and replacement surgeries.

Meanwhile, an ebony and ivory blur glided near the entrance of the room. It approached the pair of lush armchairs where he sat and took the empty piece. He’d grown used to it by now.

“You’ve failed, RK900.” She re-adjusted the set of fabrics gracing her figure. “Ever since you became a deviant, you’ve done nothing but disappoint me.”

Nines’ plastic-white hand creaked, closing in a fist. He narrowed his eyes, focusing on the infinitesimal marks and traits dotting Gavin’s skin.

“I held such high hopes for you, Connor.”

The android snapped his head to the side and threw a blow at the figure. “ _I am not Connor!_ ”

The hologram flickered in billions of voxels, re-shaping onto the previous image.

“It is of no matter.” She stood from the armchair, back turned gracefully to the RK. “You are both defective.”

Nines jumped from his seat, pacing at the foot of the bed. Amanda caressed the luscious green flowers of a potted plant perched atop the windowsill, and darkness penetrated the android’s eyes.

Her indifferent voice broke his frenzied movements. “Even if the detective could wake up, he’d never forgive such a useless android as you, Connor RK900.”

Nines fell to the floor. He clutched his body, burdened with crimson blood, like his temple. He cast a glance at the window; Amanda was no longer there. He slid onto a fetal position, holding himself. He lay himself on red. Red, red, _red_.

* * *

The android scooted onto the bed. He pulled the motionless human against his white body. Plastic skin, no strand of nanite hair; he’d given up on the illusion. Besides Elijah and Chloe, no one ever came to see them. Nines could no longer hear the beeping; the monitors had long gone deaf. The lines of code polluting his sight made it difficult for the android to lay eyes on the face of the man he loved. The man he’d never confessed his feelings to. The graphs on the holograms had also darkened and were dull black on his vision.

He lifted the hem of his turtleneck, letting it fall just above his heart. Guilt ate his core, consumed every single one of his tasks. He recognized the feeling. It was the guilt of allowing the man he loved die.

Tears trailed down his cheeks, spilling onto the dark woollen fabric. He still loved Gavin, even the inanimate form of his. These were his mistakes.

Nines unclasped the leather bracelet on his wrist. He grazed his finger on the scribbled lettering inside, so unmistakably Gavin’s.

> _“Hey, Tin Can.”_
> 
> _Nines turned around. He faced his partner, who held a brown paper package on his hands. Gavin swayed his hips restlessly, the blood pumping in his veins turning him electrified. The anxiety prevented him from stopping his fidgety motions._
> 
> _“I got you something.” He handed the android the item. “Just a small good luck charm for this shitstorm mission.”_
> 
> _**That mission. On that day.** _
> 
> _Carefully unwrapping the gift, Nines took it out of the bag. His face blanked with confusion, the android tilting his head questioningly to the side. He lifted the object to his line of sight, turning it on his hand._
> 
> _It was a clean mocha-brown, leather bracelet. It had a simple phrase engraved inside: “ **I choose you.** ” His frame froze before a shy smile crept up Nines’ face, crinkles forming next to his eyes and realization dawning on him._
> 
> _“Here, let me put it on you.” The detective took the bracelet from his hand, clasping it securely on Nines’ left wrist. His hands lingered on the synthskin, thumbs caressing it in slow circles. “Maybe we can talk about us after this mission.”_
> 
> _“I’d love to, Gavin.” The android brought one of Gavin’s hands to his lips, drawing out a kiss on roughened knuckles._

It hadn’t been for good luck. He loved Gavin. And Gavin loved him. And now, they’d be together once again. He clasped the bracelet around the human’s wrist.

Nines’ fingers trailed around the thirium pump in his chest. With a faint click, it disengaged. The RK wrenched it from his chest, holding it on his hand. The other interlaced fingers with Gavin’s own.

A wave of lightheadedness surged through the android, each and every task on his system crashing down. Was this how it felt to die? It felt like he’d thrown himself from the window of the room. He was free-falling, staring up at indigo-coloured skies. The air grazed his cheeks, ever so stinging. He was going to meet his lover again.

“For- giive me, Gaa-aavin.”

_BIOCOMPONENT #8456w_  
_**MISSI0G** _  
_\--------------------_  
_-00:01:45 TIME_  
_VITAL SYSTEM_  
_DJMAGED_

He should have five minutes before powering down — a substantial improvement on the RK series — yet Nines hadn’t entered stasis or sorted his registries for the last three months. It left him with the meagre time the RKs initially bore. He let his eyes fall closed, effectively disconnecting his most significant sensory input.

A shadow of his powerful self, Nines’ pump rolled from his hand. It slumped onto the clammy olive skin of his human, thirium blending with the saline where Nines’ tears had slipped to. A stinging electrical jolt coursed their linked bodies, too faint to stir the android. His pump had been malfunctioning, accumulating electricity that he’d failed to repair with his lack of stasis.

Sluggishly, Gavin’s eyes fluttered open a sliver. It’d been powerful enough to snap back his connection to the world. _Where… am I?_ It felt like coming out of deep waters, after spending hours diving among corals and luminescent medusas. If he was out of the ocean, why would he see blue? So much blue. It wasn’t any kind of blue. It was azure-blue. Like Nines’. His mouth parted slightly, and he tried focusing his gaze on the blue.

Someone. A scorching body, flush against his frozen one.

_Nines?_

Gavin’s head spun, and haziness set him under a dream-like state of mind. His fingers intertwined plastic skin and a cylindrical object smeared azure on his arm. Nines’ pump. Nines… killed himself?

Despair sunk on his stomach as his brain screamed at him, but his body wouldn’t cooperate, _couldn’t_.

“ _N-ins_...” His voice rasped with his whisper, grating his throat.

His pupils dilated, and his heart raced. The steady beeping of a machine ringed erratically, and his brain was consumed by a wildfire. Gavin was incapable of understanding, save him, _do something!_

Nines’ lip quivered, a narrow streak of blue trickling from the corner of his mouth. “J-justtt ann-o-thr pre-consstructii-on…” Even on his deathbed, his mind saw fit to play tricks with him.

Gavin’s head lolled to the side, and he tried to scream. “ _N-ins_ … _N-ins_ …” His voice refused obeying him.

15 seconds more, and it would be finally over. “Pl-e-aase… Yo-you’re n-not rrr-e-ally herr…”

The shrill of the android’s voice grated on Gavin’s ears, yet the pain in his being was from Nines’ death. “ _Am, -t’s me_ …”

Nines opened his eyes. His jumbled vision glitched in waves of sines and co-sines, and he yielded one last command to dismiss the clutter layering the HUD. Between the sliced pixels resembling an outdated VCR recording, the only information block standing was Gavin’s vital signs. The brain activity blueprints hiked upwards steadily.

“ _...don’- leav- me…_ ”

3 seconds remaining. _No!_ The android slaughtered all of his superfluous processes, latching onto all of his remaining power to thrust his pump back inside.

It felt like breathing again. The air stuttered in his cooling system, working overtime to refrigerate his blazing exoskeleton. The tension snapped away from his body, and the skinless android scurried to hold his partner.

Words tumbling in his metallic voice, Nines sobbed, baring the pain of his wounds. “Forgive me, Gavin, _please_ , I’m so sorry, _I love you_ … I thought I would never be with you again…”

Weakened, Gavin felt like a ghost as his body tingled with the blood flux being pumped in his veins. The pain slowly ebbed away from his being, the flashes of the panic slicing into his heart dying with the loving touch and hold of the man he loved. Glassy-eyed, he stared at pained azure-blues. “ _Stay. Lov- you…_ ” Even without synthskin, Gavin would recognize Nines everywhere in the world.

Wails still spilling out of his throat, and tears marring his plastic shell, Nines pressed a light kiss to Gavin’s lips. “I promise, _I promise_ …”

**Author's Note:**

> I have a [Tumblr](https://kenoa-ajisai-no-niwa.tumblr.com/), come chat with me ^^  
>   
> What a pain this was! Tell me if your heart bled reading it as much as mine writing it 💔  
> As always, thank you for reading, I love every single one of you! Your feedback makes my heart burst <3


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